Coping Techniques

Learn about the normal responses to infertility.

The first step in reducing the stress of infertility is to stop feeling panicky about feeling rotten! Read about the emotional aspects of infertility.

Another step in overcoming isolation is to build a bridge back to your family.

All but the least sensitive can be educated about infertility, and can be taught by you how to be helpful and supportive. Ask them to do some reading on infertility. Also, be sure to let them know how you want to be treated.

Give yourself permission to cry and be angry.

Don’t try to shut off your feelings. If you need to cry about the unfairness of one more pregnancy announcement, go ahead. If you need to pound a pillow or pummel a punching bag, do it. When you try to “snap out of it,” you waste all your energy.

Give your spouse/partner permission to feel and cope differently than you.

If you’re a wife, don’t waste energy trying to get your husband to feel as devastated as you do. If you’re a husband, don’t try to get your wife to be “more like a man,” forgetting about infertility except when she’s at the doctor’s office or in the bedroom.

Improve your communication about infertility.

You might try what I call “The Twenty Minute Rule,” which forces you to limit the amount of time you talk about infertility in a given evening.

Tell your spouse/partner how you want to be helped.

But partners are mere humans, incapable of mind reading. If you need to pass up the family gathering that features five nieces and nephews under two, then say so. If you want to be hugged, or massaged, or left alone for a few minutes, or just listened to without any response, you’ll be more likely to get what you want if you ask.

Get more information.

One of the worst facets of stress is uncertainty about the future. You can’t get a crystal ball, but you can reduce some of your uncertainty by collecting information.